Your "Family" Now
Dear Rachel and Rodger,
First, I think you both are seriously Ah-maze-ing. Congratulations on Skylar. He’s truly gorgeous and you both should be very proud of yourselves.
Speaking of beautiful children, I was wondering if you ever considered adopting a lovely, 31 year old, nice Jewish girl from West Los Angeles? I’m very low-maintenance, have my own car and don’t even have to live with you, although I could babysit with little notice if I did. Honestly, I’m very good with babies and children and wouldn’t you rather leave Skylar alone with a family member/sibling rather than a nanny? That could be me!
I’m not asking for anything monetary from you. I’ve already graduated from college, hold a full time job (that I’m willing to leave if you requested), and even pay my own car insurance. Like any child, I would love an allowance, but just throw me an old Prada or Bottega bag every once in a while and I’m set to go. Don’t have a bag to give away? I’ll take that Missoni blanket you spilled coffee on or even a fabulous scarf with an ink mark on it. See, I’m pretty flexible.
The bond a mother and daughter share is like nothing else. And Rodger, haven’t you always wanted a daddy’s girl? I could fill the void at the snap of your fingers. My grandmother always told me an old saying: A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life. One day, in the not so far future, Skylar is going to get married, have his own family and let you know that “Sorry Mom and Dad, it’s my wife’s family's turn for Passover.” And, where I’ll be you ask? In the kitchen cooking up a storm for OUR Passover. Have you tried my kugel? It's not kosher for Pesach, but it's delicious! Basically, I’m never going to leave you!
All in all, I need you as much as you need me. I need parents to educate me on life's fabulousness. You need a daughter to help to look out for you in your old age. Prada and Bottega aside, I will love you!
How Your Family Should Be
Your Daughter Carly