Godparents- Avengers Style

Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo Bitches!

Jews don’t really have godparents in the traditional sense. I had three godparents growing up and their roles were based on me referring to them as my godparents and them buying me awesome gifts rather them having the conventional Christian role of making sure my spiritual self was brought up in the church. I think Jewish godparents, at least for reform Ashkenazi Jews, just happen to be your parents closest peeps and they love you a little more than your parents’ other peeps.

My godparents, Marybeth, Shelley, and Barry are a perfect trifecta of awesomeness. Marybeth is my free-spirited godparent. She’s usual sans bra and told me when I was 14 that she wouldn’t ever smoke pot with me…until I turned 18 that is (fyi, this never happened). Shelley is my stylish godparent. She rocks Hermes scarves on her purses and wears Tod’s driving loafers. She’s also an artist who would buy me amazing gifts like Madame Alexander dolls and sign me up and pay for writing classes when I was in high school. She also bestowed to me her mother’s kugel recipe which garners me many an accolade to this day. My godfather, Barry, is an interior designer who taught me important life lessons like how you should refer to a couch as a sofa, odds work better than evens, and that the color red is actually a neutral.

I’ve learned many a life lesson from these valuable people in my life and I love them so much.  But, what if I had a whole crew? And, what if I could pick them? That would be awesome. The following is my list of people who I want to recruit to godparent me. Sort of like the Avengers, godparent style.  I haven’t seen that movie, but if it’s about what I presume it’s about, I think that’s a good comparison.

INA GARTEN


Could you even imagine if Ina Garten was your godparent? In my dreams, she’s taping a show and telling the tv audience that her goddaughter is coming to stay for the weekend. She’ll mention our special relationship, about how “uncle” Jeffrey is going to threaten to call the fun police on us because we always have such a fab time and then talk about what she’s going to make me that weekend. I think in my perfect Ina world, baked eggs provincial in the morning with scones, a lunch of her Sagaponack corn chowder with lobster rolls and for dinner, some amazing stew and dessert.

The camera will cut away to her preparing for my stay, mentioning that if you’re going to have guests, make sure you only invite the really special people in your life. She’ll set up a freshly laundered robe in the guest bathroom, lay out a new toothpaste and toothbrush in case I forgot mine and fluff the pillows on the guest room bed. Then she’ll wander around her garden, cut stem upon stem of her amazing hydrangeas and make an amazing bed side table arrangement.

When I walk in, on camera of course, I’ll put down my luggage so we can embrace. I’ve missed my godmother Ina. She’ll cheers me with Bellini’s made from fresh peach juice and the show will conclude with a shot of us sitting on Adirondack chairs toasting to the amazing weekend we have ahead of us.

I go to this godparent for: Cooking lessons, effortless entertaining tips and when I need a weekend in the Hamptons.

CORTNEY NOVOGRATZ

Does it get any cooler than Cortney Novogratz? In this fantasy I’m 15 years younger. Oldest Novogratz son Wolfgang and I are best friends, Bob and Cortney are like my second parents and I’m constantly over at their amazing home in the West Village. I call Cortney “Coco” because when I was little Cortney was too hard for me to pronounce. Sometimes I will come over and watch Coco sort through and pick fabrics and wallpapers and she’ll ask for my opinion.

The best times that we have together is when we wake up at the break of dawn on Sundays and drive to various flea markets in Brooklyn and little towns in Connecticut. Maybe we’ll go to Stars Hollow and pick through the goods at Mrs. Kim’s shop. Not sure if we’ll have enough time though.

Coco always encourages me to be myself and follow my instincts. As the Novogratzes say, in design, there are no rules and she has made me feel the same way about the use of my imagination and creativity.

I go to this godparent for: Funky design ideas, hugs, and when I need help getting an internship at Saatchi and Saatchi or some amazing design magazine.

Because we just can't get enough Cortney- watch her give paint color advice to BoS's own, Desiree! Who wouldn't want a godmother like this?!

KELLY CUTRONE

Kelly Cutrone scares me. Even if she was my godmother and I had known her since I was a baby, she would still scare me. I like this though. She would be my no-nonsense godmother. She’d cut through my bs’ing. I would call her whining because a boy didn’t like me and she would tell me suck it up because it’s f’ing Fashion Week!


I would stop by the offices of People’s Revolution and upon seeing me, she would take the headband I put a lot of thought into that morning off of my head, throw it on the floor and shake her head no. I would be a better person for it and I would also look better for it.

Again, Kelly wouldn’t take my crap. She’s not Ina or Cortney who would, respectably, bake me muffins or buy me an Ann Carrington piece of art to make me feel better. Kelly doesn’t have time for that. You know what she thinks would make me feel better, hours upon hours of hard work. Then, maybe if I’m really worthy, she would take me out to dinner where she would call the hot guy at another table over, tell him how amazing I am and he would hand over the digits.

Fact: The first time she uttered the phrase “If you have to cry, go outside” was to me on my 7th birthday when my cupcake fell on the kitchen floor.

I go to this godparent for: Cut-throat mentoring, fashion advice and front row seats to the Marc Jacobs show.

JONATHAN ADLER & SIMON DOONAN

In the world where Jonathan and Simon are my fairy godfathers, I spend most Sundays at their apartment in New York playing ping pong. Jonathan even had a custom ping pong paddle cozy crocheted for me with my initials on it. 

When ping pong time is done, Jonathan and I head to the pottery room where I work the wheel with grace and efficiency. Godfather Jonathan taught me how to work with clay when I was a child. We laugh when my bowl turns out lopsided, but, with a wink, he insists that it’s supposed to look like that and I feel much better. 

For Simon’s birthday every year Jonathan and I go to a special shop that creates custom fabrics. We play with different styles, designs and colors before finally settling on a design we’re both excited about and send it off to Liberty of London to have the shirt made. On a tag on the inside, there’s a secret message to my godfather telling him that I love him and always will. I can’t say the same thing for their dog, Liberace, because that dog has hated me since day one. Is he jealous of their love for me? I think so. 

I go to these godparents for: Lazy Sunday brunches, ping pong tournaments and discounts at Barneys.  

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There are many more people I could add to this fantasy list. Oprah, for one, comes to mind. But, that list is just that, fantasy. And to be honest, I’m quite pleased with the reality I have. 

Who are your fantasy godparents?