Friend Crushin'

Funny Flirting Ecard: You are my non-sexual crush.

Friend Crush: Experiencing a strong desire to become friends with a person you don't know very well. Often times, people experiencing friend crushes will exhibit nervousness, giddiness, idolatry, admiration, and clumsiness similar to those emotions experienced when being around a regular crush.

It was the Fall of 2010. The weather was cooling down, pumpkin lattes were back at Starbucks and I was a few weeks into my new job. At the end of the day, I entered the elevator, one of six that happen to be the slowest elevators in the history of elevators. An attractive, petite lady approached the closing doors and instead of pretending to try to keep them open, as I selfishly do sometimes at the end of the day when I'm in no mood, I put the effort in to keep the doors ajar so this nice girl could ride down with me.

I scanned her with my eyes. Adorable outfit, adorable shoes, hair to die for. And her purse, a Marc by Marc Jacobs that I actually had my eye on was hanging gracefully from her forearm. I was flustered. My cheeks were washed over with a tint of red. My heart rate picked up. I mustered the courage to speak.

Me: I...eh...um...really like your bag. Marc Jacobs?
Mystery Girl: Yes, my future mother-in-law got it for me.
Me: Oh, that's a really nice future mother-in-law!
Mystery Girl: I know.

And then as soon as it had started, it was over. The elevator had reached the lobby and we parted ways. I clenched my fist in front of my face. She will be mine, I thought. She will be mine indeed.

That last part didn't really happen. I'm not psychotic, but I did have a bit of a friend crush. I was new, I knew she was new. She had cute shoes and a cute purse. I had a weird feeling we could be friends. Two years later, that petite betch is, I can openly say, one of my besties. And, if you haven't figured it out by my amazing description, that girl is Desiree. Hi Desiree!!! I'm writing on your blog!!!

Why am I telling you this story? Well, it's my introduction to my post, so pay attention. The closest I've come to becoming a lesbian was right after I saw Kissing Jessica Stein. Besides the whole sexy times part, I could totally be a lesbian, but alas, that's just called friendship. And wanting a girl to be your friend, that's called a Friend Crush. I've made my crush turn into reality, but I still have a few fantasy friend crushes that I would like to make happen. Like "The Secret" has taught us, put it out there and maybe it will come.

The following are my top 6 choices for people I have friend crushes on:

Lizzy Olsen 
Liz Olsen, the next big thing!

I've got it pretty bad for Lizzy Olsen. So much so that at the end of seeing her newest movie, Liberal Arts, I told my date that I had a "super girl crush" on her. It was our first date. Not sure if it made me come off like a complete crazy, but the toothpaste was out of the tube...it could not be put back in.

Younger sister of MaryKate and Ashley, who I adore, but could never be friends with, Lizzy puts me at ease. Her features are soft and welcoming. Her smile is infectious. She looks super nice. She dresses cute. She is perfect friendship material.

I see me flying to various parts of the world to keep her company while she is shooting. We're not the party type, and she probably has early call times, so our evenings involve ordering room service and renting Pay-Per-View movies in the hotel. For some unexplained reason I imagine us in large, fluffy, terry cloth robes jumping on a plush 5 star hotel bed. See, we're sooooo having a good time together. Besties!  

Maude Apatow

So what if she's more than half my age and according to biology and MTV, I could be her mother. This 14 year old is pretty awesome. Granted, she comes from two awesome people and the laws of physics and organic chemistry prove that awesomeness begets awesomeness. But, I think this girl is great on her own. I follow her on Instagram and on the occasion I'm bored, will check her Twitter out, even though I don't tweet myself. 

Some awesome Maude quotes:
"Being an awkward teenager is not something you should laugh about because it isn’t funny"
"People really take pride in knowing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song"
“It was really uncomfortable when I watched Beaches with my best friend and she didn’t cry”

I think we would get along really well. It's perfect that she's only 14; I don't think I've matured much since the age of 15, so we're emotionally and developmentally around the same age. I hated being a teenager, but Maude makes me romanticize those days. I want to be in carpool with her. I want to walk around Century City Mall with her after school on Fridays. I want to call her complaining about our history project. Ahh...to be young and awesome.   

Lena Dunham

When I first watched GIRLS, Lena Dunham's show on HBO, I thought it was funny, but was overcome with bitterness and jealousy, so I dubbed it "f'ing annoying". I'll repeat what I said to my friend Laura: "Who the hell is this girl in her mid-twenties to have her own show where she writes, acts, directs and produces? This is just a bunch of rich girls from famous families whining about life. Screw them, I have to go to bed so I can get to my beige cubicle on time." And then Laura said this to me: "Yeah, they are a bunch of rich girls from famous families whining about life, but that's what the show is about, so embrace that." And, I did. And then I sort of become a huge fan. 

Although the characters of the show and Lena herself are all in their early/mid twenties, I related...uncomfortably. Lena is damn funny. I think we would be funny together. I would totally sit on the toilet peeing while she took a bath while we talked about something topical. I would make a funny pop culture reference and we would laugh. Then we would go dance to some Robyn. 

I see on the Instagram that Lena and Maude are friends and go to Justin Beiber concerts together and have awesome times. I want to go to Justin Beiber concerts and have awesome times. Take me with you!!!

Also, Lena and I share the same birthday. I think this friendship is meant to be. 

Khloe Kardashian-Odom
Kourtney Kardashian

I get irrationally protective over the Kardashian krew. They make me say things that are out of my normal vernacular a lot, like "haters gonna hate" and "they're just doing them". But, in reality, they are.  If you don't like them, for heaven's sake, stop writing in the comment section of the Us Weekly iPhone app about them. You obviously clicked on the article for a reason. And if you hate them so much, don't watch. See, irrationally protective. But, I will watch, because these girls are hilarious. 

Khloe is my favorite, I think. We have the best connection personality wise. But Kourtney is what I call stealth funny. Some dub her as the 'boring' sister, but those people are just not paying attention. She's hilarious. So when you get those two together, the only thing that's possible is F-U-N. 

I could put up with Scott; I actually find him funny. And I love me some Lam Lam. So, wrap me up in a leopard blanket, put me in one of their 400 Range Rovers and let's get this friendship started. I promise to change the spelling of my name to Karly. 

Mindy Kaling

I was never an avid The Office watcher. It's nothing I'm proud to admit since one of my favorite topics is the goings on in offices, but it's just a fact. Yet, I still am in love with Mindy Kaling. It was either 2008 or 2009 when I was introduced to Mindy by way of her blog, Things I've Bought that I Loved. I loved that blog like nobody's business. Then one day, it was gone. Years later I found her again by way of her amazing book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? I read it in one night. I know we are destined to be friends.
Now Mindy has her own show and without even watching the first episode I gave it a season pass on the ol' DVR. I trust her that much.

I feel like if we were friends I would sleep over her house a lot. We would spend late nights watching You've Got Mail and 13 Going On 30. On Sundays we'd wake up and walk to get coffee and plan our day. On our shopping excursions we would stop at super cute stores where I buy things like amazing smelling candles and cute pillows and anything else that was completely frivolous and over-priced. Then, when we get back to her place and go over what we purchased like besties do. M + C = BFF.

Who are your friend crushes??


I wrote this post on a Thursday. It is Sunday night. This morning, while shopping at Westwood's new City Target, I saw one of these friend crushes in the flesh. I made no attempt to initiate contact because I'm neither a star gawker (lie) nor completely psychotic as previously mentioned. But, it did teach me one thing: The Secret works, y'all. That's pretty creepy, right?

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